Yes, you are creative and your writing is vital and alive. Keep writing! Keep exploring the things that make you feel alive. Keep thinking about shipwrecks and collecting weird things from land and sea. Don't let your competitive swimming eat you up inside, turn you inside out. I run now and I really love it. I think it is healing me from all those years of swimming where I never felt like enough. I do it for me and only me. You will be happy to know I have found joy in it and strength that I didn't know I had. So all that anguish did teach you discipline, but at a cost.
Explore whatever it is you like to do. Remember to look up at the stars on the hill in the backyard, and be amazed at how big the universe is and how tiny we are and how good that makes you feel. Think about what's calling you. You aren't just melancholy and over-sensitive like they say. That "feeling of pensive sadness" is no way to live and it's not you. You lived up to their expectations, but it doesn't have to be that way. You were sad because the girl you have always been slipped away. You pushed yourself away until you got revenge on your very self.
I'm here you to say you made it through.You learned resourcefulness, git and determination. You didn't know yourself, let alone love yourself. You didn't know what lit you up. Thank you for being so persistent. After all these years you got your voice back. You have opened up your strength in beautifully creative ways. Let me live the rest of my days with you. Let us live this life from a place of wholeness and connection. You are incredible and the best choice I have made is to listen to you again. Thanks for sticking around.
